Acquaintances

Be cautious of them, because you will not encounter antagonism except from people you are acquainted with. A true friend will help you, and someone you do not know at all will not trouble you.

All the animosity you encounter, then, will come from your acquaintances, who express their friendship only with their tongues. You should therefore limit your acquaintances as much as possible. If you have to socialize with acquaintances in a school, the central mosque, the local mosque, the market, or in the city, you must not belittle any of them, for, you do not know, they may be better than you. At the same time, you must not look at them with an eye of reverence because of their position in the world, as this could ruin you. In the sight of Allah, this world, together with everything in it, is small and insignificant. Whenever your heart regards as great the people of worldliness, you have declined in the sight of Allah Most High.

You must take care not to offer them your religion in order to attain what they have of this world. No one ever does so without being diminished in their eyes and, moreover, ending up deprived of what they have. If they show you enmity, do not return their enmity, for you will never have the patience to fully requite them. You will end up losing your religion in animosity toward them, and your difficulties with them will be long and drawn out.

Do not relax and let your guard down with them when they honour you, and be wary of them when they praise you to your face or show affection for you. If you were to look into the reality of the situation, you would find that only one in a hundred of them is sincere.

Do not expect them to treat you the same way in private as they do in public. Do not be surprised if they slander you in your absence. Do not get angry with them, because if you are fair and honest, you will find that you act the same way—even with your friends and your relatives, indeed, even with your teachers and your parents. For you mention about them in their absence what you do not say to their faces. Do not covet their money or status, or hope for their support. The covetous person, in most cases, fails in the end to get what he wanted, and in the present is most certainly humiliated.

If you ask one of your acquaintances to do something for you, and he does it, thank Allah Most High, and thank the person, too. If he does not manage to do it, do not rebuke him nor complain about it lest enmity develop. Rather, be like the believer, seeking out excuses for his brother, and not like the hypocrite, who searches for faults. Say, "Perhaps he was unable to do it from reason I am not ware of."

Do not admonish any of them unless you first see in him a willingness to accept it, lest he refuse to hear it from you and turn against you. If one of them has made a mistake in some matter, and arrogantly refuses to take advice from anyone, do not teach them, for they may derive benefit from your knowledge and yet become your enemy — except when they have committed an act of disobedience in ignorance, in which case you should remind them of the truth gently, without being harsh.

If you see that they have done you ап act of generosity or goodness, thank Allah who has caused them to love you. But if you see something malicious from them, leave them to Allah, Mighty and Majestic. Seek His protection from their harm, and do not censure them, nor say to them, "Don't you know who I am?" or “I am So-and-So the son of So-and-So,” or "I am a very knowledgeable person." This is the speech of fools, and the most foolish person is one who deems himself upright and praises himself. You should know that Allah, Mighty and Majestic, would not give them power over you except because of some sin you committed in the past. So seek Allah's forgiveness for your sin, and realize that it is a punishment for you from Him.

Be among them as one who hears the true things they say and turns a deaf ear to their falsehoods, one who speaks about their good qualities and remains silent about their shortcomings.

Be wary of associating with the pseudo-jurists of your time, especially those who busy themselves with differences of opinion and disputation, for they will just be waiting for a disastrous turn of fortune to strike you out of envy. They will make conclusive judgments about you based on negative supposition, and will wink at one another about you [behind your back]. If you keep their company, they take account of your every slip, then confront you with them all when they are angry or during a debate. They do not help you when you stumble, forgive you when you slip, nor cover up any fault you may have. They take you to account over the most trivial, insignificant things, and envy you over [every blessing], great or small.

They incite your brothers against you by tale-bearing, gossiping, and false accusation. If they seem pleased with you, outwardly they are all flattery; if they get angry, they reveal a deep inward resentment. They are externally clothed, but within they are wolves.

This is the conclusion опе comes to about them after observing the majority of them, except those whom Allah Most High protects. To keep their company is to incur loss, and close association with them leads to utter failure.

If this is the judgment of one who affects friendship outwardly, what then, of one who openly shows his enmity to you? Take the advice of the one who said:

Be cautious of your enemy once, Yet be wary of your friend a thousand times; For it may be that the friend will turn [against you], And then knows better how to harm you.

It has been similarly said:

Your enemy may sometimes come from your friends, So do not have too many friends!
For most of the diseases that you see,
Have their origins in eating and drinking.

And be as Hilal ibn al-Ala al-Raqqi said:

When I forgave all and harboured no rancour toward any;
I relieved myself of the worry of enmity.
Indeed I give good greetings to my enemy upon seeing him,
So as to repel evil with salutations,
I display joy in meeting one I despise,
As if he has filled my heart with happiness
I am not even safe with those I do not know
How then could I be safe with those who affect loving me?
People are an illness and their cure is abandoning them.
By harshness toward them, the bonds of brotherhood are cut.
So make peace with people, and you will be safe from the troubles they cause,
And be avid to acquire chivalrous traits;
Deal with people with good character, and be patient as long as you remain with them;
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil; be you circumspect.

And be as some of the sages have said: Meet your friend and your enemy with the same face, one of contentment, neither lowering yourself to them in humiliation, nor looking up to them in awe. Have a dignified bearing without arrogance, and show humility without abasement. Take the middle course in all your matters, because both extremes in any matter are blameworthy, Do not look around from side to side [with self-conceit], nor constantly glance behind you. Do not stop and talk to every group you come across; and if you do sit down with them, do not sit in a restless manner. Make sure you avoid clasping your fingers together, playing with your beard or ring, Picking your teeth, putting your finger up your nose, a lot of spitting or clearing your throat, swatting flies away from your face, and too much stretching or yawning, whether in front of people, in the ritual prayer, or elsewhere.

Rather, let the way you sit be quiet and calm, and your speech orderly and thought out well. Pay proper attention to the good conversation of the one speaking to you, without showing exaggerated amazement, and do not ask him to repeat himself. Remain silent when people are joking and telling stories. Do not speak about how proud you are of your children, your poetry, your mode of expression, your literary work, or other matters personal to you.

Do not go to great lengths to dress yourself up as a woman does, nor let yourself be unkempt and unruly, like a slave. Avoid wearing too much kohl [in your eyes] or being extravagant in your use of oil.

Do not insist upon having your needs met. Do not encourage anyone to commit oppression. Do not inform your spouse or children let alone anyone else, of the amount of your wealth; for if they consider it to be little, you satisfy will be of little importance to them, and if it is a lot, you will never them. Be strict with them without being harsh; and be lenient with them without being weak. Do not joke around with your male or female servants or your dignity will be lost.

In arguments with others, guard against your own ignorance and rashness. Consider well your points before you make them.

Do not gesticulate much, keep turning around to look at those behind you, or fall to your knees. Speak only when your anger has abated. If the ruler tries to befriend you and you close, be with him as you would the sharp edge of a spearhead. Beware of the fair-weather friend, for he is the worst of enemies. And do not value your wealth more than your honour.